THIS IS PUBLIC SO I MAYBE CAN FEEL THE WEIGHT ON MY SHOULDERS DISAPPEAR. Oh Lord. So much is going on. My family is breaking apart. So much is happening. I can't even weight it. I don't know where to start. I think mum has cancer. I think she has depressions. She is completely broken. And I am so guilty. I know she cries every night. I know that dad and her cant stand each other. I know they are worried about my big brother. And I completely understand them. He has changed so much since he started collage. He doesn't communicate with us. Not a "hey" I never see him. He spends all his time talking on the phone with his friends or girlfriend. He locks himself in his room and I honesty think he has a bad influence on my little brother. He keeps spending all his money and I know that he lies about there he spends it. I really think he is in bad company. My parents have talked to him multiple times but he can't see his mistakes. And he doesn't even open up. Mum told me that she feels like him waiter. And I hate it. He has changed soo much this year. And it is so bad. I am sick worried. Can't stand it. Don't know who to tell other than this app. But dad got really mad at him today. He told my brother to get out of the house and he did. And the thing that's haunting me is that he didn't reply. He didn't say a word. Just left. I know that dad feels guilty. He always was so close to him. And know he threw him out of the house. He is only 17. He's a kid. I'm 16. And I am saying that. My life is so complicated and suffocating. He just came back. And his body posture was sad. He didn't look me in the eyes. Just walked past me. Mum often tell me that it's because he feels jealous of me. I don't know why. Because he has the brain. He's an ekstrovert. He always get attention and all the goods. I am just living in his shadow. But I still don't hate him. He is the one hating me. Wish him the best.