You turned my biggest hopes into my biggest fears. Today, after a year, and thinking I'd never find someone else because there was only you, I found someone. Someone who sees me for me, loves me for my flaws, understands that underneath my exterior I am not perfect and that's okay. But, because of you I hold back. Because of you I don't think I could handle loosing another person. I know that now I never knew how it truly felt to love another person, I love him like I've never loved anyone else before. But, because of my fear, I hold back. It's amazing how one can face physical fears, like jumping off a bridge, head on. But, when it comes to emotional fears, such as the fear of loosing someone who means the world to you, one curls up into a ball and hides like an Armadillo. Maybe it's because one knows that emotional pain is a lot harder to heal from then physical pain. Therefore, one holds back, I hold back. I hold back for that very reason. But, I want you to, so badly, be able to let you take my heart. But, maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s your actions that’s holding me back. Maybe I’m making excuses to make myself feel better about not being able to give my all. Because may God be my witness, you deserve it. Or maybe it’s both me and your actions. But, underneath it all, I know I couldn’t handle loosing another person that means the world to me. So, I hold back. I am not strong enough to take it, I would break. We all hit a breaking point at some point, and that my reader is mine. It would end me. I’ve already became cold-hearted and distant. It’s a survival technique really. The real problem here is that I am afraid, terrified to love another person. And you’re actions don’t help, but I don’t blame you because you’ve been hurt so many times, like I have been. So, you to sweetie, you to, hold back.

I want to give you my all, I really do. But, I can’t. So maybe this is my good-bye, maybe this is the beginning of something beautiful, maybe it’s the end, not of us, but of me. Maybe I’ll never be able to love again, maybe you’ll show me I can. But, at this point and all with all my scars that’s just hopeless.

I’m so conflicted, really, because if you haven’t noticed I hope he can change me for the better, but I also want him as far as heaven. I want to open up, give him my all, love him like he has never been loved before, because I know I can. But, with all my fears I can’t. Maybe the answer here is time, time for you to show me I can give you my all. Maybe that’s another issue of mine, is that I give my all into something to quickly instead of giving my all, all at once,

So, my resolution here is, you need to show me that I shouldn’t be afraid because you’re not like the others. Show me how to love again, and to not be afraid of being afraid. Because my fear chills me down to the bone. We’re both afraid here, and that’s what’s holding us back from what we truly want. So, in order for this to succeed we need to take away that fear. I just hope, I hope to God that you’re not like everyone else. So, the solution to the confliction is that we need to show each other that loving one another is okay, that we’re not like the others. But, only time can tell that. And baby, all we have is time.