about over 10 years ago
"You should hang out with the sophomores more."
I should, ha. I should hang out with people in my class more often, it's not as if you even bother to include me in any non-academic conversations. I'm angsty, just like any other teenager should be, but this is simply pure frustration. Rest assured that I won't go off about society and how it imposes stereotypes and how as a teenager, I despise society. Because this is a fact, and I'm not willing to spend a single word on it.
Yearbook season is rolling around and I have a yearbook preordered, I don't know how, it was sometime last year. I'm spitting out words now, and it's just empty hallways with crowds of people who've known each other for practically their whole lives, and they're eating pizza and gossiping and I don't know the subject of their conversation. Of course, of course, I have seen other people fit in instantly, they're just like me, new to the school and thrown into this town last summer yet they somehow manage to fit. in. so. quickly. How? I'm not attractive and I'm incredibly insecure about my profile, but I'm trying to forget about that, but how. How? Why am I the loner, the lone wolf, the one who is perpetually alone? I endeavour to appear approachable, but of course. Nobody approaches me. And how - and who - am I (supposed) to initiate conversation? I don't do sports, my hobbies are all solitary tasks. I'm almost pedantic and pretentious and I don't have that many books read, it's mainly a few books, books that I like and books that I reread. Am I boring? I hope not. I was much more carefree in my previous school, although towards the end of the school year I did also end up alone in the library, minding my own business.
I should stop worrying about this, but it's yearbook season, as I've said before, and I really hope that I won't end up collecting my yearbook and then running off to the library, writing this alone again.
I'm punching this keyboard now, this poor keyboard. I don't want to say those two words, with the latter being the five-lettered word that I repeat simply too many times.
Perhaps I should just focus on my studies.
Just, just, just. What a word. What an air of "mere" simplicity. No, it isn't as simple as this is. It just isn't.
Truthfully, though, I'm trying to forget about it.
A moment of silence.
Hence the return of endless, biting, chewing frustration.
She has practically everyone's snapchat. I have six. And I'm not even that active on the app, for the gods' sakes.
Ugh. this is how I feel now. I think I'd like to get this over with, and hopefully find something, someone new.
How should I go about making myself more interesting? No, I'm not even going to try. I don't get half of your American cultural references and I'm okay with it. I don't care, anymore. I'm trying not to. Hope keeps me writing all this, all these burning words with contempt and frustration. Good night.
I should, ha. I should hang out with people in my class more often, it's not as if you even bother to include me in any non-academic conversations. I'm angsty, just like any other teenager should be, but this is simply pure frustration. Rest assured that I won't go off about society and how it imposes stereotypes and how as a teenager, I despise society. Because this is a fact, and I'm not willing to spend a single word on it.
Yearbook season is rolling around and I have a yearbook preordered, I don't know how, it was sometime last year. I'm spitting out words now, and it's just empty hallways with crowds of people who've known each other for practically their whole lives, and they're eating pizza and gossiping and I don't know the subject of their conversation. Of course, of course, I have seen other people fit in instantly, they're just like me, new to the school and thrown into this town last summer yet they somehow manage to fit. in. so. quickly. How? I'm not attractive and I'm incredibly insecure about my profile, but I'm trying to forget about that, but how. How? Why am I the loner, the lone wolf, the one who is perpetually alone? I endeavour to appear approachable, but of course. Nobody approaches me. And how - and who - am I (supposed) to initiate conversation? I don't do sports, my hobbies are all solitary tasks. I'm almost pedantic and pretentious and I don't have that many books read, it's mainly a few books, books that I like and books that I reread. Am I boring? I hope not. I was much more carefree in my previous school, although towards the end of the school year I did also end up alone in the library, minding my own business.
I should stop worrying about this, but it's yearbook season, as I've said before, and I really hope that I won't end up collecting my yearbook and then running off to the library, writing this alone again.
I'm punching this keyboard now, this poor keyboard. I don't want to say those two words, with the latter being the five-lettered word that I repeat simply too many times.
Perhaps I should just focus on my studies.
Just, just, just. What a word. What an air of "mere" simplicity. No, it isn't as simple as this is. It just isn't.
Truthfully, though, I'm trying to forget about it.
A moment of silence.
Hence the return of endless, biting, chewing frustration.
She has practically everyone's snapchat. I have six. And I'm not even that active on the app, for the gods' sakes.
Ugh. this is how I feel now. I think I'd like to get this over with, and hopefully find something, someone new.
How should I go about making myself more interesting? No, I'm not even going to try. I don't get half of your American cultural references and I'm okay with it. I don't care, anymore. I'm trying not to. Hope keeps me writing all this, all these burning words with contempt and frustration. Good night.
