6th By MM: Finished 3 difficult exams with not so flying colours. I'm finding it harder and harder to control my pace, to remain up to date. It is impossible for me to get through the set work everyday for the subjects I do. I will try to catch up. And not slack off. It is too, too easy to lose track, lose control, become left behind. Living is an effort, and these days I feel like I'm living every day pushing myself to the uttermost to finish the set tasks for school. Even though my attempt is miserably unyielding. I don't have a life besides trying to study. I try to convince myself it's all okay, I only have to do this for a year more. But then, life only gets harder. And I guess the older you become, the better you are able to adapt to the difficulties, despite it being harder than previous years. The effort to reward ratio is constant, an equilibrium, and only a select few find themselves striking a high reward low effort ratio. Isn't that what everyone seeks. Although few obtain. Life... I haven't got to experience yet. I'm a youth chained to the temporary lifestyle of education. I stay in school more days than I do what I want to do. But then, as adults, you'd do the same. Work as a priority, with vacations, day offs considered as luxury. Most people live this high effort low reward ratio just for a comfortable, bourgeois living. Of course this doesn't include those who love their careers. I have no career interests or dream jobs. Whatever I end up doing, I probably won't enjoy thoroughly. I am a pessimist, my perspective on the standard of living could be highly subjective. But, then again, this is a diary (self reassurance). So.. My life? I wouldn't know. I haven't lived one yet. 1723