calm my anguish. yesterday I wouldn’t ever return to film class, mustered whatever mental strength I could for Justine’s final 2 hr rehearsal. We got grey sweatpants and tops that matched the marley with little baby pink and blue socks. we are now allowed to make little sounds — whee’s, sighs, and whistles, throughout the piece. didn’t go to Joy’s ballet rehearsal and ran to that charity fashion show where NOCO made a messy showing, but Aubrey danced around backstage amid the jets and small made-up children and aerialists with a bird headpiece on and Jean jacket and that brought enough light for the whole airplane hangar. Afterward we dashed to meet at Zach’s and I recognized one of the boys from Spring Awakening, the one with the sweet round glasses, with a bleached head. I told him how much I loved his character. the performance was a hot mess, but the general effect came clear through just because Alex’s choreographic bones are so strong. My dad was there. I remembered viciously compensating throughout, becoming mentally depleted because I forgot to sing the first half of my song. I felt myself unraveling in the only area of my life that I was able to find a means of definition, spotlight, noble purpose. people couldn’t forget my fingers though