1st Post (MM): Infuriating moment. Even the tappity keys annoy the hell out of me. All those Gb of Momento Data, all those screenshots of vocab and the infuriating fact that stupid, old, perverse, stiff iTunes on my school laptop doesn't let me update coz the version is too damned new. Which is then fucking atrocious because I simply can't EVER update/ backup some of my books and music for some comforting closure in this phone that is no longer me. I am bitter, cursing the old school security measures of iTunes and the fact that nothing works in my favor. I can't get a phone jail broken and stay jailbroken, I wasted nights and so did my dad worrying over the phone, sitting at the desk for ages, only to be okay, thankfully fixed for $30. However I'm quite disappointed that dad didn't fix the back when he did suspect strongly that it was a 'hardware problem', a battery problem, or perhaps water got in because my backing was open. Since it's fixed, he would prefer to save as much money in the present (despite the phone fixer most probably have had asked him if he wanted the back fixed) and hands me my sad broken phone, no better than before. The loss of content makes me regret for not backing up on iCloud (again, iTunes dodgy idiocy limits control on tampering and users are unable to satisfy precise wants), for my error in not backing up on the computer (and what would that do anyways though? If it won't accept a newer version of a phone unless it itself is updated? God, the limits are ridiculous!) and for the stupidly quick inconsideration in updating OVA. Fuck. I'm so pissed. I'm pissed at the time I'll be wasting on getting all my missed an lost info back, wracking my brain for the memory of those that I will never be able to recall on its own. /update: just checked out the world option. What a great idea! It enables people from around the world to share thoughts, where without the benefit of profiles, one can reveal anything, without the fear of being recognized. The fact that there is only 'liking' available as a means of communicating with another writer makes it all the most quietly appreciative. The minimalistic design and lack of ability to explore other aspects makes this app for what it is. The simple, direct target to write, and by sharing your thoughts and reading others, enable a sense of community and support that doesn't get too comforting or public. As I type, I can only focus on my words, in the frame of my writing, and this prevents me from malingering to other fanciful options that may pique my interest, but instead focus on directing my train of thoughts on a white page backed by a grey background that withholds it's need to interfere. A small mote surfaces in my mind, a shadow that questions the longevity I have with this app. It dissappoints me really, to be unable to read other indepth outpours of thoughts, but only half hearted momentary entries clipped with a picture that is both unappealing to the eye and carelessly presented. A shoddy image of someone's pet, taken on an iPhone (which is what we all use most likely as we type and I have no issue with its camera abilities) but I guess it's my distaste for a ill presented image that is blurred, taken in incorrect lighting, and framed in such a way that just says 'amateur and ignorant'. And I must have sparked a number of rages in those who do read this first post of mine, and my explanation is that I am a photographer, not a professional, just someone who can take photos with a dslr and understand the importance of composition, balance of light and clarity of photographs. And no, I really am not listing out those demands of what I expect of 'photography' to come off as haughty and judgeful. I am simply explaining to you WHY I feel the way I do about things, which is why I'm writing it down. And really though (again, bear in mind this is my entirely subjective view coming into play), the topics shared on here is all a post ever so often as idevice users scroll through their apps bored after refreshing Facebook time after time with no more news, contacted friends who haven't replied yet, flipping listlessly across apps and clicking on this memory app and writing a little sliver of thought of no importance to pass whatever to pass a few seconds of time, to leave it and scroll listlessly though Instagram with its celebrity's always fun, purposeful days and artistic dreamers with their strategically positioned 'cereal of the day', or a scatter of 'effortlessly present' flowers, or a more colour coordinated variety of 'yellow things' : dandelions, gumboots, rubber duck, yellow roses or tulips, lemon, etc' or a more classy, polished black series 'men's cologne, shiny black 'insert expensive classy brand' wallet, black iPhone (coz er it's sleek and black), the new camera that looks retro and is just in general good looking but isn't probably better than the ergonomic design of the slightly odd camera, which is more capable at delivering quality images at an reasonable price (but then, that's the concern with the emerging modernist society, the concern with appearance over practicality, it's ever present and isn't only reserved to fashion stars, gay guys, that snob that only wears this and that and drives this and that, the old lady that still clings to assumed youth through outdated makeup, expensive heavy material coats and silk (made in [insert European country]) scarves and their poor elephant veined legs stuck in too tight kitten heels with the leopard 'chic' print'. And yes, I sound malicious, rude and highly judgmental, but I want to say that it is because I have a heightened awareness of those around me. I only recently noticed the mystifying occurrence of body awareness, as I stood with two friends each by my sided as they chatted with people. I can't catch on what they did to shift ever so slightly ahead of me, to merge in with the bodily rhythms of the people they are speaking to, to incline their necks a little forward, their eyes flicking a bit more rapidly as they processed whatever they say, heard of their partner, and then I would notice my friends' elbows already in front of mine, as they had inched forwards in that time and I witness slowly and painfully as they began to close an unconscious gap ahead and over me, and I duck out at the last moment, surrendering to their unawareness to me. The human interaction is a complex thing, where the tone (earnest, carefully maintained or tense) reflects back into us, as our faces distort into various styles (and there are thousands of those that can never be classified due to the fluidity and malleability of our faces) and our body shifting ever so slightly to the news. I am rambling too much, and I do have work to do. The concept of this phone being new still troubles me. Hey. How about I actually talk about my day, instead of having a primary focus of communicating with you guys? (Which is really the primary drive to me being so passionately writing to you, as I hope more than nothing but for someone to read it. Hmm, though I do want some form of communication with you all. Every little star you leave tells me of your acknowledgement of me, and I would like that. There is much you don't know about me (heck, about everything and everyone really), and I invite you to understand my perspective in life by reading the words I type. Which shouldn't take long at all. Today's post may, as it's nearing 8k words. Before I get on to things of concern in MY life, let me offer and beseech you to reply me on any thoughts you may have had upon reading this. Any at all. :) please just address your post to me by saying 'MM' which will just be an 'ID' for me now I guess. I thank you all. And I hope for your patience to read about my feelings. And I am fully open to arguments. Boy, I love discourses. :) 'today's memory': it's a relief to finish all the yearlies. It was easiest to cheat in this exam than others, as it was only the suspiciously lesbian art teacher and Mr cook. Both who I was unsure of looking my way when I looked up. I had looked back at R during the test only to discover her incredibly obvious phone and her attempts to lean down and cover her unallowed equipment. I do hope my format and style I took to writing the gothic analysis is acceptable. I implemented weak but also at the same time relevant points, but that may be of only an hindrance to my English literature learning. My story, although only a booklet long, written in the last 30 minutes I was quite proud of, however I changed my thoughts after hearing C and R did 2 books each). It was about king Herod who smashes his son Conrad (the allusion to Heart of darkness stupefies me) with a horned helmet (if I can't make it impactful or shocking any other way, I'll go the baby route: gory descriptions of violence) and later dies to the lull of a supernatural lullaby (which is how all of us did as we were really, just students who lacked the skill to conjure up more thoughtful and UNCOMMON conclusions like A and T would). I'm really hating all this concealment of names. Coz I know I run the risk of forgetting who I'm talking about. Anyways, afterwards Ch got picked up by her dad, I, R and C went to eat. It was nice, calming and a good way to end the day. For once, nature did no fight against me and I was able to arrive home to not discover more food on the table. (It happens 3 hours later when I was slightly hungry). Ate half cooked egg on buns. Struggled to swallow the food and my cup smelt like eggs. Decided to microwave my totally breakfast-like supper (mum even had milk) but it didn't taste any better. I'm tired, and looks like tutor homework is out the question today, fuck. Gonna watch a movie, or maybe, START on the homework. (had something I needed to mention and was going to write it down but didn't want to and my reliance on memory once again failed me. Night. (Jeez wtf this word count counts spaces!) 9826 /update: read more online entries. The only one who religiously updates is you, the one who wants to die and owns Her, Jiali. I'm sorry that I targetted you and your 'silly dog pictures'. I came off as insensitive and cruel and I hope you accept my apology. I still have much too learn and am just a student. This app has many people writing sad miserable 'I'm alone' entries and I relate. However I haven't been able to find one or haven't scrolled down far enough yet to see an entry when people initiated a connection. I want to talk, to sympathize and communicate with you. I feel like those who communicate by writing has something more to offer in terms of a characterized awareness of the surroundings, and the desire to figure out the inborn rationality in socializing and the life that surrounds those who live a life. I feel that those who write, the most, like me are pitiful, and I realize that those who write few, despite I considering it to be surface, superficial words, are those that have most adapted to society, to be able to laugh and... Party. I am miserable, and this app made me aware of that. I feel miserable and more lonely than ever. With a previous ambition to assimilate us lost souls now reveals my own need for a community, where the fact that no one has wanted to connect is simply because they are satisfied with their real lives. Wow. Aren't i pitiful. 11452