really am a fool to care. I think I am too loud: I stomp too much when I lose myself to music, I am too loud with the way I live. I get too excited when something I am passionate about comes up. I lose the enigma and the groove. I ask questions at odd hours. There is so much self-doubt and self-loathing that I don't know how to deal with. I listen to loud music and don't answer questions correctly the first time. I am too much of myself, too forward, too everything. I don't even think anyone gives much of a fuck, but I find it perplexing that everyone else seems to have found their floormates good company. Am I coming on too strong? Too flashy? Is it the Chinese? Is it the looks? Is it the way I walk? I have so much self-doubt and I don't know how to deal with it.

I swear too much, I swear too loudly, I swear because of little things, I cannot let go, I don't know what to do with myself.

I don't know, everyone seems so suave and smooth and in with the crowd, I just want to laugh freely.

I know that as my mom said, true friends are people you meet naturally along the way, that you cannot force the process, and I've tried but I don't want to be that one oddball with all the people I live with. I crave too much and yet I can't seem to make myself cool enough. I want to believe in the people who I love but why is it

I don't even know

I want someone

I want so much, when im not even wanted, I don't know, I know my family and my friends care but I want so much why do I have such mood swings?

I think it's because I want (again.) the world to be as beautiful and romantic and lovable as life is and I want to be lovable too, but I come off too weird. im such a fucking mess