I wish every day would end with a double science period. Anything to let me escape gym, the forty-five minutes in which I repeatedly embarrass myself. Can't catch a ball, got an extremely minor thumb injury (that I really shouldn't be complaining about) because I can't set a volleyball correctly. I wish I could stay in the library when it's not so crowded, listening to my music and sketching canals and rocky roads. I wish an acquaintance (though she argues she is a friend) would understand my efforts to perform well in English. I'm not an overachiever; I simply like to immerse myself in words. Imagery, especially. Conversely, while I thought I enjoyed art itself, the lessons are rather uneventful. History is okay. I sit in the corner during math, and that apparently makes me appear very alone. My teacher is encouraging me to sit closer to the front, but I feel like that would be disrupting the familiarity between the people there. I don't even know them. I wish there would be someone who would willingly talk about music and words and the sky, and we could sit in a park or take a walk on cloudy Friday afternoons, but I understand the more that I wish to acquire such a friend, the harder it will actually come true. I don't need partying or Polaroids, just someone to hang out in a bookstore or someone who would like to hold conversations about politics that we don't understand. No standards for appearance or cultural background. No specific gender. We don't need to be aficionados of the same band, but we are both collectors of random thoughts. Perhaps, a stranger, or someone who I've seen once or twice in the hallway, or even someone whose drawings I've caught a glimpse of. No judgement on outfits, but intellectual debates are welcome. Texting to rid me of the awkwardness in homeroom, occasionally meeting up after school. And silence will be comfortable, because we will both understand that not every moment in our friendship has to be full of conversation. Trying to improve the other person by practicing his/her/their feared activities and encouraging him/her/them to make an effort. Really, not quite a best friend or "bro" or "homie", more of a "person".






I'm happy that I got all this out. Thank you, littlemem. (And you, if you're reading this.)