Gram and I went to the mall. I went to moms and decorated the house for Christmas. Not much went on today. We are all watching the kardashians in my room. I found the top of my belly button ring I had lost the day Kailey came over. Maybe it's symbolic, I'm not sure. I'm constantly looking for symbolism and depth in everything. Maybe things are just as simple as we perceive them... I've been struggling to grasp onto reality lately. I hate living a life so devoid of meaning. I feel as though my existence matters to no one. I don't make an impact on anyone. I crave the feeling of being needed.