I have a deathly fear of the ocean. It was a "red flag" day. Apparently that means you shouldn't swim very far. I barely made it to my waist, then returned. Later that evening I swam. I swam so far it took me over three hours to return to shore. I went so far past the break that it all seemed so calm but I didn't know it at the time because the sun had set past the crest of the end of the Earth. I'd swam so far that the lights from the lifesaving tower disappeared from view. All I could see was darkness from the fingernail moon. I've never been so scared. I've never felt so alive and craving death at once. I swam as far as possible planning never to return. There was no light, no land.....nothing. I swam until I literally almost couldn't stay above the waves. Out of nowhere something shot out of the water so high and so close to me I swallowed too much water! I've never seen anything like it and it was exhilarating and hopeful all at once! Only by the fingernail moon's sliver of light could I tell (hopefully) that it was a dolphin (sail fish? I'll never know). I've never been so scared to swim past my belly button, yet here I was so far out to sea that I couldn't even see the shore and never planned to again. Something rising from the sea like a cannon from a gun made me turn back. How I made it, I honest to God will never know because I can't swim very well. The break almost sucked me under those protective barriers when I tried swimming back. How ironic, what was supposed to keep me safe nearly drug me under. Obviously I made it back and according to my phone I was out there for almost four hours. I can say with 100% confidence that I'm shocked I made it. It's a story no one will ever truly understand. It's my story. This is the only time I will tell it because it belongs in my heart. It almost doesn't sound real, even as I type it now. I tested myself, I keep testing myself and should not; God has those damn plans. I wish I knew what they were! I was in the ocean trying to be swept, I was not. It was not meant to be.