Today was the crappiest days of all crappy days. At least for me. I broke up with Lupe. And now that I've done it. I feel like crap. I feel like such an asshole because I ended the relationship because I can't handle it because I'm stressing out for everything else. That's so stupid. I'm so selfish like I really ended it because I'm tired of all the crap I'm going through and I don't have time to worry about a relationship too. You know? Ugh this sucks so much. When I was telling him my eyes started watering and my mouth was so dry. My heart was beating so loud, but not fast. I was trying hard not to cry. I never shed a tear. And all of this happened because I've given out so much trust to so many people, I hardly have any left. Sadly, I couldn't give it to my own boyfriend. Because I think he would judge me and my troublesome family. I didn't think I was good enough for him, or his family. And I've kept it in my head from the beginning, that we wouldn't last because he's my first boyfriend. No one ever stays with their first boyfriend forever, and if they have then lucky them. But sadly, I'm starting to think I should've gotten to know him better before we dated. Because I couldn't even tell him what was wrong with me. So I'm selfish for breaking up for myself to better myself, but I'm also unselfish because I don't want him to worry about my feelings. This is stupid. Maybe I should just stay single forever... What am I saying? I just need to calm down. I don't feel anything though. I haven't felt anything since it happened. I don't know what to feel. I felt like throwing up. That's it. No sadness, anger, nothing. I felt like I was nothing.