i made shakes all night because the store had a 2 for 1 deal that everyone wanted. helen spilled a shake all over my apron and pants. conner asked if he could film it if i killed myself. i guess i didn’t think he would’ve curved so deep. i try to brush it off. i sit in another drive thru with my dad and get that pang of sadness i forgot to tell my therapist about before i decided to stop seeing her. it’s about how my stomach presses into my belt. it’s about the way conner talks to me. it’s about next year. i sit and eat in the dark dining room.