Fifth by MM: gee, I need a productive corner in my life. I've been super Unproductive. Whether it's at the school library, at home, or at an uni library, I never seem to be able to do much before being overcome by sleepiness. I have such poor time-management. I doubt Starbucks would make for a productive place for me given the noise, smell of coffee and the general flux of people walking in and about. Or maybe anon finds a nice quite place. There are some people who go there with their macs, who seem entirely focused on what's on their screen. Might give Starbucks a try. Nah. On a personal note, I feel like I'm suffering from an identity crisis. I used to feel stranger to the word, never able to grasp what people could possibly mean. The two words means something in my books, maybe it's different to how others may interpret it, but; it makes sense to me. And I'm anxious as to how I could find myself. I don't know why I am doing the things I do, accepting society and people for what it is, when I want to break free (cue ariana grande) and do things differently, how I want. I am saddened and burdened that I need to get to somewhere in life through the rules society has constructed, namely the education process. The need to obtain a confirmation of recognition of 'skills' in the form of awards, statements, marks/scores or degrees in Uni. Yes, the education system offers a large spectrum of possible classes to take, which covers a wide amalgam of possible interests and opportunities. However, why is it that I have no idea what I want to do? My school, peers, and family have not prepared me for this, for I have no ambition. School kills creativity, and I have no choice, given the pressure of expectations to choose a way out. I am depressed with the current lack of choices I have where it's only fight and no flight. I feel suppressed, controlled; with my life path already decided. I have no choice but to succeed, I can't afford and don't have the option to fail. 1996