in a moment of pain and anger and hopelessness I accidentally cut my nose, just like mom. it took the breath from my lungs and I spiraled into thinking that I had become just like her with all these fucking patterns I can’t seem to outrun. I stared at myself crying and thought about the end of my life and how ugly I looked. I asked zach if he knew someone who deals coke even though I knew I wouldn’t buy any. I can’t afford that shit. too poor to live, too poor to die. why won’t God save me.