had one of the worst attacks yet at the three dollar theatre with ma, writhing in the seats, wanted to watch bohemian rhapsody but my misery fueled by the anxiety of taking a half-cap of xanax for the first time (?) led me to pace around the bathroom and send you selfies of my grandma’s goofy faux leopard coat, trying to laugh the fear-demon into submission over the phone. ended in dizziness on the stairs. tried to call my dad bc he was the one that planted the seed of fear about xanax. you thought i was mad for hanging up so quickly. i don’t know how long you will bear me but whatever of my soul is left thanks you to the best of its core. my soul knows well now what it’s like to be unable to bear the weight of my existence, i can now take it from anyone