my mind drifts to John. why does forgiveness of others birth grief of self? I forgive someone else and so often do I begin to look at myself as the wrongdoer, with grief and regret and disgust for my actions and for the things I said and did. even though it was for the best and even though our parting ways was necessary, I feel shame for not going about it in a gentler and more loving way. all of a sudden it’s not him that needs to be forgiven, but me