I hate that I know my heart will skip a beat when I finally see your name on my phone screen. I love that feeling of the butterflies and anticipation. I hate the control i let you have over my emotions. I love the feeling I get when I'm with you. I fucking hate that I always get so wrapped up in the bullshit. I love that i am able to let myself care so deeply. I hate that I am trying to keep walls built up to protect myself. I love when they come crashing down, if only for a mere second when I'm kissing you. I hate how I write mushy poetry bullshit to try and process my feelings. I love that I can express myself so thoroughly when I'm feeling vulnerable. I hate it when I wait two days to hear from you and I think the world is going to end. I love how much better it makes me feel when you finally do reach out. I hate that I let you in and became part of your world. I love all the things you have shown me. I hate that I want you so bad. I have so much fun when I'm with you. I hate myself in a relationship. it makes me so nuts. I love myself in a relationship. It makes everything seem brighter and worthwhile. I hate not knowing. I love the excitement. I hate the limbo state we are in. I love the rush and thrill of not figuring you out yet. I hate that I hate you. I love that I love you. You can't have one without the other. There must always be two sides. There will always be a split within myself and in everything we do. Ultimately it's up to me. I have the power. I have these feelings. These god awful feelings of sadness and anger. These amazing wonderful feelings of bliss and ecstasy. It's all one in the same.