Today I told my therapist about how I feel about my body. I told her about the starving, the excessive exercising, counting colonies. I told her everything. After eleven years of hiding this secret, I finally said it out loud. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever done. I want to be happy, but recovery means gaining weight and I’m scared. I wish I could see myself how everybody else seems to see me. I don’t understand how they see thin when all I can see is the complete opposite.