Today, I would like to start an actual attempt at organizing my thoughts. My desired outcome is to be able to control my emotions with more ease, to live more in the present. It appears as though the slightest memory, positive or negative, can trigger a steady, heavy collapse of the walls that surround and protect me.

Without the world around me, I sit in front of the person I do not want to see. I want to be able to consciously be aware of when I go off the tracks. I understand of how remembering the past can teach me to not do the same mistakes, and simply thinking of them ruins what I can see, hear, and think. I do not wish to be a quiet person who hides behind her face. I want to be someone who is memorable by more than just their appearance.

This new goal could be due to the beginning of my last year in college. I know I have grown immensely through the struggles of staying afloat here; I am a better version of the girl who wandered onto this campus five years ago.