TO THE BEAUTIFUL PERSON who started off their glorious rant on October 27th with a quote by Og Mandino--
It's me again. (November 8th). How are you?
Did you find the change you were hoping for? I'm actual very curious to know.
Because I still have not.
Still stuck in this shitty part of life where I'm caught between the safety and comfortability of conventions and the excitement and novelty of change.
In fact, I'm at a worse place than when I first responded to your speech.
At least then I had motivation, will, and drive.
But now... Now I have empty hope and fear of what I know I can accomplish. Isn't that wild?
Knowing I can, but being too afraid.
I'm a disgrace.
I tell myself I can do so much, help so many if only I try, but no.
I sit and waste about because it's convenient to do so.
Ha! Maybe I'm kidding myself.
Maybe in some deep, instinctual part of myself I've already realized I can't do any of those things & my subconscious is only trying to save me for further failure.
But as much as I wish that were true, because at least then I would have an excuse for how utterly shitty and pathetic I am, I know I cannot make myself believe it. Because once I do-- I truly am a failure.
Fuck. I'm complaining again.
Merry Christmas, everyone. -V