I hate that every time I hear my father's voice, every time he comes near me, every time he tries to talk to me, I am filled with such anger that I can't even look him in the face. And then I hate that I am so filled with guilt that he is getting old and it kills me to think of him dying. I love him, but then why the fuck can't I just forget the past and forgive the hell he has put me through. I hate myself so much for not being able to shove the past away and forgive. What the fuck is wrong with me? I fear not getting closure and making amends before it's too late will be my ultimate regret and it will haunt me Til the day I die.