I am tired because when I am awake it is torture and when I sleep it is like I am dead. I don't expect you to understand. But please don't think of me as pathetic and weak. I fight myself every waking hour. Trying to keep myself alive so to speak. Yet everyone continues to treat me with the perception that I should be so lucky, grateful, active and free. As if I am ungrateful, spiteful and not trying every minute to fight the instinct to not care for myself in the way that everyone does. To eat when I am supposed to. A healthy amount. To sleep when I am supposed to. A decent amount. To socialise here and there. A sane amount. I am not persistent or forcing myself. But I am trying. And to me it is enough. Because it has to be enough it has to feel like enough so I do not lose my mind running in circles. Doing me absolutely no good. Becoming useless like you assume I am trying to be. You don't have to understand just be understanding.