note to self: recovery is hard especially after getting over something that's been so stressful and scary and building up for so long. you don't need to force yourself to be happy, nor do you have to expect yourself to be bringing your best game after being put through something so draining. it's okay not to be okay, and it's okay to be mad, what matters is accommodation and treating yourself well and giving yourself time. what matters is seeing the good in the world around you and slowly letting yourself register it. what matters is building yourself back up and letting yourself spend time with good things and people and soaking it in without forcing yourself to be amazing all the time. what you need is kindness and love, for yourself and the people around you. the people around you are so accommodating and sweet and well-meaning even if they say things that make you feel bad (they don't mean to). they love you. the things you do are things you are capable of, you are so smart and strong and i believe in you. i love myself and i can do things. there are amazing things surrounding me and i am ready to cherish them.